Meditation and the fear of loosing yourself
I came across a very interesting discussion between a seeker and his master. It has some very important lessons for all of us . Here it it is for you :
Seeker : When I think of doing meditation, one thing that come to my mind again and again is the fear of losing who I am. Actually I am a very fun loving guy and the only real life role models I have encoutered in the meditation community are a bit to serious, somber and methodically sobering. I guess what I am saying is that I don't want to end up like a monk and I have no reference for what a fun loving family guy would look like after going through the meditation.
I hope you understand and I would greatly appreciate any guidance.
"I am afraid of losing who I am."
A drop falling in the ocean is concerned about loosing itself. The ignorant drop does not know that when she falls into the ocean, she becomes the ocean itself. She becomes a part of the ocean. Nobody can tell that this is the drop and this is the ocean.
When you say : I am afraid of losing who I am.
You actually mean: I am afraid of losing my ego.
Hi I am the fun loving guy, the perfect party man. People love to spend time with me. They love my company, my sense of humor , my energy, enthusiasm. They talk about me when I am not there. How important I am for my family and friend! It is really frightening to think that if I continue with my spiritual practice this fun loving personality of mine will vanish and I’ll become a sober, serious guy like a monk. What my friends and relatives will think of me then? I can’t see any role model in Buddhism who is fun loving while still being a spiritually developed man. Shall I become a serious guy?
The real fear is in loosing your ego. Loosing your great reputation as a fun loving guy.
I feel if you are not ready to let go of your ego, you should forget the spiritual path and choose something different. Buddhisms (or for that matter any spiritual path) will not make you a serious or funny person. It will give you a fresh perspective towards life and make you calm and most importantly it’ll melt your ego. It will make you realize how ephemeral our existence is. We all are tiny puppets in the hands of a cosmic string. Just like waves in ocean, we took birth, spend sometime on this earth and then again merge with the existence. In a time frame of billions of years, our life period is just a very small point. So where is the place for ego.
Let me assure you : If you are a fun loving man by your intrinsic nature, spirituality will make you funnier. Because you will realize the stupidity of so many things we all consider so important now. You’ll realize the stupidity of how people argue, fight, and kill in the name of religion. You’ll realize that taking life seriously is itself a stupidity.
So don’t afraid and dive in. you'll only loose your ego not your funnier nature.